My Journey Home

People have always said I have a wandering spirit. It's one of those things that is frustrating, no one ever says it like it's a good thing.

Generally I have the ability to be comfortable in most situations and to make friends wherever I go. That used to be frustrating as well, I have friends all over the states and in different countries and I miss them dearly. Sometimes I wish I could be in eight places at once.

However, over the past few years, I have started to realize how much of a blessing this truly is, there are many places I call home, many friends I call family and I know if I ever find myself in a bind, I have people all over the country and all over the world that I can count on.

Recently, a friend and very talented artist painted a canvas for me with Africa in the background and the phrase "not all who wander are lost" in the forefront. Right now it is sitting on my kitchen table, leaning against the back wall and every morning I see it and smile. It's also usually the last thing I see before I go upstairs to be and it's an excellent reminder to be thankful for this "wandering heart" of mine.

Most of you know that about 3 years ago I spent a few months in Tanzania and it was one of most amazing experiences of my life. It is one of many places that I have felt at home, the people welcome you with open arms and I made many lasting friendships for which I am very thankful. Since I have been back in the States, the idea of returning to visit my family has been pulling on my heart strings. A few months ago an opportunity was presented to me and I wrote a letter that I am going to share with you in a moment. As you read it, I hope that you would pray for me as I see where the next step on my journey might be. There is a very exciting opportunity on the horizon and I'm praying that it becomes a reality. Work has already graciously agreed to let me travel for 4-6 weeks and still come back to a job. The next step is a financial piece and I have been budgeting but a round trip ticket costs close to $2000 and I  want to be certain that I am doing this right if I am going to save and spend that money.

So, without further ado, here is that letter. Please join me in prayer over the next step in my journey:

Hello friend,

Thank you for being YOU! If you are receiving this letter it is because you hold a special place in my heart, have been a source of sage wisdom and joyous encouragement over the years and are a blessing to my life!

As most of you probably know, about two and a half years ago I had the amazing opportunity and blessing to travel to Moshi, Tanzania through Cross Cultural Solutions, CCS. CCS is an amazing organization and seeks to give you a service experience but also a cultural experience, there really is an immersion and you learn a lot about the history of where you were staying, the people and their lives. My sister Brittany also traveled to Costa Rica through CCS and had an incredible experience as well. She had been in Costa Rica prior to her CCS with a study abroad program but said she really felt a connection through CCS and their programming. (That was always a huge benefit because when my mom heard that her crazy, adventurous daughter wanted to travel to the middle of Africa; she was comfortable and trusted CCS to get me to the other side of the world.)

While I was there, I made many friends from all over the states, to Canada, to Denmark and from different countries in Africa. (Several of who(m), thankfully, I am still in close contact with today!) One of those friends, Christiane, is graduating in May of 2015 and we have already been talking about and planning a return trip.

God has definitely been opening a lot of doors with this opportunity for travel to open and a comfortable, reasonably flexible job that would allow me to take this trip.

What I am requesting of you, dear friends, is that you would lift me up and prayers and that God would make apparent to me what is the best choice that lies ahead of me, and if this is truly a God thing. I also invite you to ask me any questions you may have about my prior trip, the possibility of this trip, or any other questions about my life. (Lord knows I LOVE to talk about Tanzania and I have a lot of exciting things happening in my life right now!)

I have so many blessings to be thankful for that I would love to share with all of you and also I seek the wisdom, prayer, and support from you, my beloved family and friends. (Or as Sprint so wisely and affectionately coined it, my framily.)

Nawapenda sana 

Love,

Tangawizi (Ginger) 

His Unfailing Grace

I'm amazed, I'm overjoyed, I'm still processing how awesome God is! Does He ever just smack you in the face with His grace, blindsiding you to the point of unbelievable dismay, overwhelming gratitude? I don't know whether to cry with joy, dance or sing!

It all started with a decision, and not of my own power but by God's grace, a decision to forgive someone from my pre-teen and early teenage years. A friend but the kind that kept you on a string, someone that you were hurt by but someone that you also inevitably hurt. An extension of grace in the form of a Facebook request as if to say the past is the past, let's move on to whatever God has for us. I've forgiven you, whether or not I ever receive an apology.

Fast forward a few days...you're having a terrible morning. The days at work have been draining, emotionally and physically. Satan knows this pain and turmoil and he tries to dig in deeper. You remember that friend request that is sitting out there and decide to "unfriend" to save yourself the embarrassment. Fear sets in...what if this person hates you? What if this person is laughing at you, thinks you a fool? What if this person never realizes how much you were hurt by their actions? And the worst...what if this person never knew how much you agonized over what you decided you must have done wrong, something that had to have been awfully terrible to distress the friendship.

And as you log into Facebook that morning you see that the friend request has been accepted. A breath of grace washes over you, Satan loses, the victory has already been won! And little do you know that God is about to astound you even more...

You move on, you go to a bonfire at a friend's house and enjoy excellent company. The doorbell rings and several people walk in. Forgetting that breath of grace, fear sits in as you see who the last person is and you scamper away to the fire outside hoping they did not notice you. You laugh and joke and you enjoy other friend's company but ultimately decide to leave the party early because you work early in the morning and you have become afraid of this encounter again. Do you have the strength to forgive, to let go and let God use this moment for His grace, His mercy, and His glory? Of course not, you run away with your tail between your legs.

Fast forward to Sunday morning. You're refreshed, you're renewed and you're ready to receive God's blessings and promises. While greeting other friends they sneak up on you again, but this time you have no other option...you have already hugged everyone else in the group so you hug them as well with a big albeit nervous smile, and you meet their fiancé. You congratulate them in person and laugh saying you probably have already done so on Facebook but wanted to in person as well. And then you make an excuse to run away before your tongue slips, still being afraid of what may be on the end of it.

Sitting by the waterfall wall is one of your favorite places to sit in church, to see God's people gathered and greeting and to hear the soothing, continual fall of water. (Similarly you will soon realize to his ever falling, ever present grace.)

This person comes and sits next to you, they ask you about your life, they joke about theirs. Then they lean in and you can see how hard this is for them, how much they want to erase the past, maybe even more so than you do, and they apologize. They promise you that that is not the person they are or want to be and they assure you that the only way they can earn your friendship and trust back is by continually, consistently being a better person and extending God's grace and love to you.

You're blown away! You laugh and cry at the same time and make apologies of your own. Of course you forgive them, and you really did stop blaming them a long time ago for any pain they might have caused. God's grace washes over like a waterfall...forget rain or splashing, you are drowning in God's grace and it is the most, amazing, pure and beautiful thing! You laugh and hug and tell each other you love one another. Amazed and in a daze you go into the sermon, just to be more fully washed over in His grace through the worship and the message.


All I can say is, that God does the most amazing things. And when that kind of grace has been extended to you, and shown to you...the natural response is to want to share it. Not that this suffices but I will be looking for more individual opportunities to extend it.

To those I have hurt, I am sorry. I am trying to be more gentle, more observant, more gracious and more kind. To those I have lied to, or deceived, I am sorry. I am trying to be more honest and more trustworthy.

And to you dear friend, I am excited to see what God has in store for us. I promise to renew and refresh daily and to always be reminded of the grace he has extended to both of us.

Ahsante Baba Mungu, you never fail to amaze me.